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New Year, New Me?

For so many people a new year means to reinvent themselves. Do more exercise.  Read more books. Go vegan. Lose weight.
This was me too.

"Starting tomorrow. I'm doing to do this." I would tell myself. "Definitely tomorrow." Fully aware that I could start today and get the ball rolling. But no... Always tomorrow.
I think that this is the thing. We tell ourselves that we are doing to things the next day and that day is going to define the rest of ourselves.
But it doesn't.

Two weeks in and it's the same story. Tomorrow. Always tomorrow.

Why never today? Honestly, I don't know because we tell ourselves that we fail one day then we have to stay again but why can't we just continue. At the end of the day, we are human.

Life isn't smooth sailing. We are going to make mistakes and more importantly, we are going to learn from them because that's what we do. That's what we should do.

So to answer my own question: this new year is not the new me.

I like …
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Book Review: Dear Evan Hansen By Val Emmich, Justin Paul, Benji Pasek & Steven Levenson

Title: Dear Evan Hansen Author: Val Emmich, Justin Paul, Benji Pasek, Steven Levenson Publisher: Penguin Source: Netgalley Rating: 4/5 stars

Book Summary:
From the show's creators comes the groundbreaking novel inspired by the Broadway smash hit Dear Evan Hansen.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today's going to be an amazing day and here's why...

When a letter that was never meant to be seen by anyone draws high school senior Evan Hansen into a family's grief over the loss of their son, he is given the chance of a lifetime: to belong. He just has to stick to a lie he never meant to tell, that the notoriously troubled Connor Murphy was his secret best friend.

Suddenly, Evan isn't invisible anymore--even to the girl of his dreams. And Connor Murphy's parents, with their beautiful home on the other side of town, have taken him in like he was their own, desperate to know more about their enigmatic son from his closest friend. As Evan gets pulled deeper into their swirl o…

I Have To Live (Part 3/3)

*This was written in December and is a series of three blog posts that I am publishing together. The thoughts in these blog posts may not affect how I am feeling now and it is safe to say that I do feel mentally better than I once did.*
I just feel like everything that can go wrong has. I think that this is hard because only last night did I find that I was facing what happened over the summer. I spent a lot of it depressed. Spending days at a time crying. Thinking that I was going to die. But I didn't.

It was strange because even though I wanted everything to stop for a little while, I didn't want to die but it felt like I couldn't live either. I was going along. Dealing with one thing after another. Trying not to relapse. Not again. Protecting myself because I was scared. I keep describing it to myself as it's like I was carrying so many plates and they all smashed into a million pieces and I have been trying to pick them up ever since.

I have to admit that I haven'…

The Interlude (Part 2/3)

*This was written in December and is a series of three blog posts that I am publishing together. The thoughts in these blog posts may not affect how I am feeling now and it is safe to say that I do feel mentally better than I once did.*
Sometimes not everything goes your way. You think that everything is going to change but it doesn't.

You think that you are going to put yourself first but you don't. These problems come before you. Because of the fact that they seem worse than you so you don't say anything. Because if you focus on someone else then you don't have to focus on you.

You know your getting worse again. You feel the same tendencies come back. You thought that they had gone but they were lying dormant waiting for your lowest moment.

You stop sleeping. Your thoughts the same as they were. No one likes. You have done badly. You're a failure. You've done wrong.

You've forgotten what to do. How to break the spell so you try your best. Do everything you can…

Relighting My Fire (Part 1/3)

*This was written in October and is a series of three blog posts that I am publishing together. The thoughts in these blog posts may not affect how I am feeling now and it is safe to say that I do feel mentally better than I once did.*

To be honest, this is the first time I've truly written something in months. It sucks. Like really sucks but I don't think that I can do it if I don't really love it.

So why now?

Well, somethings changed. I have that spark again. My fire has been relit. This feels good again.

Writing feels good again.

I think another reason was that I finally have the motivation to do it again. Not for anyone else but me. Because that is who I should write for.


Who you might be asking why I have been gone? Why have I not written anything in months?

Well, that's a hard question and all I can say is that it is complicated. I wasn't OK and I for the most part I am and when you feel like that writing something even a simple text can seem like climbing a moun…

Popsugar Reading Challenge 2020

So since the start of the Popsugar Reading Challenge started in 2015 I have taken part every year and this year is no exception. I have never completed the challenge fully and I don't think that I will this year but I'm going to try. I will try to update this throughout the year but as I saw last year this may not be the case. But without further ado, let's look at the prompts...
A book that's published in 2020A book by a trans or nonbinary authorA book with a great first lineA book about a book clubA book set in a city that has hosted the OlympicsA bildungsromanThe first book you touch on a shelf with your eyes closedA book with an upside-down image on the cover: Skyward Volume One by Joe Henderson et al. A book with a mapA book recommended by your favourite blog, vlog, podcast, or online book clubAn anthologyA book that passes the Bechdel test: Fleabag by Phoebe Waller-BridgeA book with the same title as a movie or TV show but is unrelated to it: Blackbird Volume One …

Favourite Books of The Year (2019)

So it is officially the last day of 2019 and where has the year gone. Seriously. Anyway with this comes my favourite books of the year and I have read 135 but here are just my top 11 so let's get started...

Heretics Anonymous by Katie Henry
I think this one was so hyped up that it definitely grew on me. I really loved the characters and loved reading about the exploration into religion something that really isn't explored a lot in YA. It made me think so much so I just loved it and can't wait to read more from her!

The Paper & Hearts Society by Lucy Powrie

As someone who has taken part in #UKYAChat for the longest time, I was so excited when Lucy announced this book and was so happy that I loved it. This book, whilst dealing with some heavy subjects which it does well, is so fun and I loved every moment I spend reading it. The characters were so lovable and I can't wait to read the second book in the series. I mean who doesn't love a bookish book.

All The Lonely Peo…